Saving Saturnalia

    Friends, if you are of the same mind as me, then you will see that there is something gravely wrong with this country; and every year it is clearly getting worse. I would even say it is nothing short of complete cultural genocide. Our great traditions, cemented over the course of centuries and entirely holy become overwritten, bastardized, and forgotten. They become insignificant. They become “all inclusive”. Tossed aside without any seeming remorse or care by this politically correct society we find ourselves in. Every year, when the season approaches, my heart fills with naive optimism and swells with joy in the hopes that perhaps for once things will change. That the true “reason for the season” will remain intact. And every year I have my hopes crushed to dust underneath the feet of the ways that be. I get bombasted with an empty and excruciating “happy holidays”. I will remind you that the gift giving, the feasting, and the merriment are all components of this wondrous holiday to celebrate our lord. It’s high time this comes to an end. It’s time we finally put our feet down and we take back what’s ours. As the eve of this great festival approaches us, it’s time we finally let our voices be heard. This “holiday season” has a clear and definitive name; a clear and definitive purpose. We must climb to the rooftops, take to social media, speak to a neighbor, and remind one another of its original sacred intention. Remember its name and realize that we should have no shame in saying it. I intend to start this and I would hope you too follow suit.

I’m speaking, of course, of the Saturnalia.  

I see everywhere in the media Christians speaking of a “War on Christmas”. Oh, how so typical it is of the oppressors to proclaim oppression. Sitting high atop these institutions which suppress us they turn their rhetorical cannons outward to only further add insult to injury. They will proclaim “Christmas is to celebrate the birth of Christ, there’s just no way around it” with such crass insensitivity to our heavenly father, Saturn. Do you hold no reverence for the one being that provides us with a bountiful harvest every season?

You must not forget, long before Christ was a babe in a manger, and even far longer still before anyone wrote about him, we were enjoying the Saturnalia in peace and joy. It would begin on the 17th of the last month, December, and stretch into the 23rd. Indeed, it was a time of merriment. We feasted, we drank, we wrapped ourselves in lavish green and red robes, and we were allowed to gamble. Our slaves were put at the head of the table and treated as royalty, their masters serving them the most decadent meals and wines. We granted unto each other small gifts: dolls and candles, for our family and closest friends to cherish. It was a time for joy, jubilation, and relaxation. The harvest was done. Winter was upon us. Now all we could do was give thanks to Saturn for making it so and pray that our fortune could continue in the following year.

Then it all began to change for us children of Saturn. Constantine declared himself a Christian and soon this new Church of Christ, which had previously been surviving in the shadows cast beneath the moral fabric of society, was allowed to be exposed to broad daylight. It spread like wildfire, as new trends often do, and at first we could live with one another in relative coexistence. But then it began to seep into law. Our ancient ways began to crumble. Those we had thought we could trust, our old neighbors and friends who we could once shout “io Saturnalia!” to were now slathering us with shame and disgrace. They treated us like dogs, called us “pagans” and “barbarians”, and threatened us with eternal damnation if we did not conform to their ways. When told with such sure conviction, how could one not obey or listen to their reasoning? We found ourselves suddenly at a crossroads. Naturally, we didn’t want to abandon our culture and values which had served our ancestors for so many generations; but we also didn’t want to face suffering for eternity.

And so the solution came about. They informed us “You may keep your traditions, but it is no longer in the name of Saturn. It is now for the true lord, Jesus Christ.” At first, we were delighted. Our great practices could remain intact, we simply now had to celebrate them in the name of another. And then came the changes. Christmas was not a week long, and we had to spend large portions of it at mass? We could no longer gamble or fornicate because it was “immoral”? We learned only too late that the true holiday, which we held deep in our hearts, was lost forever. And too late was it for the Germanic barbarians to the north. We could not warn them in time. The bishops and priests of the Church of Rome ventured north into the wild frontiers, and stole from the barbarians their wreaths, their tinsel, and even the great Balder’s mistletoe. They all became part of this ever growing unholy mass they were delighted to call “Christmas”. And Christmas it remained.

Now it’s their turn to proclaim victimization. They cry foul over wreaths and trees being removed from cups. Yet were these traditions ever truly biblical? Ever truly Christian? Then the angels come off the trees and the nativity scenes get removed from courthouses and parks. Yet where in all this time were the statues of Saturn in the public spaces? And to combat all this they make a point of saying “Merry Christmas” during a time that is so clearly for Saturn, as if only to remind us that we are no longer relevant or useful now that our ways have been adequately appropriated. Roman, German, Scandanavian they are no longer- all Christian.

I for one think this needs to end. It’s gone on far too long. They are trying to claim justice for their stolen merchandise. I say it’s time for it to be returned to its rightful owners. It’s time that we remember the true reason for the season.

Happy Saturnalia.